Monday, July 20, 2015

Ok, so it's been awhile!  So let's do a quick update on what's been happening with me since we last "spoke". I have had 2 new jobs and my current one is awesome! I've made new friends,  been in a wedding,  bought my first car in my name and sort of entered the world of dating. At 25 years old I am aware that the last statement seems strange to some people but in my opinion I'm not exactly the first girl guys jump at the chance to ask out. However I have been told that there have been many people who have shown interest but I'm just super oblivious. We're not talking a bit clueless, we're talking a horse walking right up to my face and slapping me with its tail and me still not paying attention oblivious.  I'm curious to see how the rest of my dating experience may happen. So far it's really only been one guy that's only because he apparently noticed that the direct approach is the best approach with me. So if you're actually reading this ladies,  help me out here. What signs am I missing for when a guy is interested? Was there a special class in high school that missed?

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not a Happy Camper.

Hey guys, good to see you again.

About a year ago in a post entitled " warning the following post may contain slight undertones of depression", I talked about some issues that I was having with my father and I mentioned that I would be moving back home after I graduated and I wasn't sure if I could deal with what feels like my father's constant disapproval and disappointment. Well today i am here to tell you, that my prediction was right.

Today should have been a good day for me. I was offered a job interview for a teaching position, my FIRST interview of possibly many. I was so excited and i shared the news with all of my friends and teachers. I was also super excited for this weekend because I was going to be going to my first concert ever this weekend and would be getting back on the day of my interview in enough time to rest up and head out. I was riding on such a high that when my dad came home i was in the best mood that i had been in in weeks. That was short lived however.

When my dad came home he was all excited to hear about my interview and started talking about how i needed to do alot of dry runs this weekend to get to the place. i told him that i was doing it tomorrow since i was going to be out of town for the concert. The mood quickly changed when I told him that i was coming back Tuesday morning before my interview. Suddenly he was upset and telling me that i basically made a stupid decision and he didn't understand why i didn't just ask for the interview on another day. then he proceeds to say that it's my decision and my life and i need to make my own choice. There's no way for me to win this one clearly. So once again, I miss out on a concert experience and he gets to gloat and say i told you so and give his whole "the fact of the matter is you're an adult and you need to make sacrifices" speech.

Why can't I seem to understand the fact that no matter what I do, I am always going to find a way to disappoint him? Can anyone answer me that? I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me that I have enough daddy issues to fill every magazine rack in New York City and Washington DC. I would also like to know at what point I am allowed to take control of my life and make my own decisions? Because I thought that the whole point of me going off to college was so that I could find a career path and start living my own life. Instead even at the age of 23 I am still being told what to do and I feel like I'm suffocating here.

Sorry for ranting and complaining on here, but I can't talk to my father, at all. We barely have a relationship as it is and its a superficial one at that. I don't know how to repair it and at this point I'm not sure if i want to. I love my father but right now, i'm not even sure i like him (this more than likely due to my heavy emotional state right now)

Leave comments if you want, or don't; i don't really care one way or the other.


P.S- The purpose of this blog is for me to rant or rave about whatever it is I'm upset or happy enough to talk about.Some will be fun, some will be angry, and others will be depressing. Keep that in mind when you read these please.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Hello Again!

So, i fell a little behind on the blogging but hello my followers! not a long post tonight i have started my student teacher journey, i am getting so see my show that i directed presented in shreveport and that's really about it. I'm nervous and excited.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Heavy Reflection and the Good Friends Who Sit Through It And Tolerate Me

Hello Again! It's been awhile since we last heard from one another huh? Where do I start? For a quick update, I have moved into the final chapter of my college career, i have lost my beloved caddy and gained a town car, and i have once again overloaded myself and i wouldn't have it any other way.

Now for the reason I've decided to re-enter the blogesphere. Last night after leaving rehearsals for The Who's Tommy, I was talking to the friend almost inevitably the conversation turned to the topic of relationships. I don't remember exactly what was said on his part but I wound up purging all of my emotional baggage to him and ultimately my purging or venting wound up focusing on one guy in particular. This particualr one essentially broke my heart and stomped it into a million pieces and to this day still plays a major factor in my lack of faith on the whole relationship deal. So after having my little vent I come home and tell another friend that I ran into on the way in about my little vent (not the full extent though) and she tells me that she's been through worse and it got me thinking.

Is one person's bad luck with relationships and romance worse than someone elses? I mean honestly don't we as a society always think that what we've the expierienced, at least the negative things, are more astronomically disasterous than that of anyone else that we know? In some cases, yes, your negative expierience is worse, but only for that short while. At some point we are all going to have a mjor upset in the romance department. For some it makes them stronger and more deteremined to find love. For others it's makes them more jaded and a little less determined but still with the hope of finding something. Then you have those who are like me that have at the current moment have become so fed up and disillusioned with the whole idea that they have pretty much given up on the whole possibilty of love.

At only 22 years old, I know that i have plenty of time to find the fabled "One" that i'm supossed to feel absolutely head over ass gaga about and as it is i'm slowly comeing out of my funk. But it is still a struggle and I still have some issues to work through.

As always if you feel the urge to comment, feel free. In the meantime, LOVE, ROCKETS, AND HOT POCKETS!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Ok, so i'm a little pissed off right now. I just read an article about a woman who was disqualified from the miss universe canada contest because she was originally born a man. The national director of the contest said that all contestants had to be "natural born females".....ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?!? I thought we were living in a world were all people were considered equal but aparrently, we're only equal if we're the right gender. Now granted this happened in Canada but still, it's kind of fucked up. Judging by some of the comments i saw, it's obvious that many people think that you should only have actual women compete in beauty contest. Well here's the deal, if she competed in both transsexual and traditional beauty pagents before an no one else had a problem with it, THEN WHAT IS THE BIG FREAKING DEAL? She got the surgery, SHE HAS A VAGINA!!! Which makes her a woman. She took hormone thereapy, SHE HAS ESTROGEN RUNNING THROUGH HER BODY!!!! Which makes her a woman. Now this may just be my opinion and that's cool, but you have to admit it is a little messed up and outdated.

So what do you think? As always your thoughts and comments are always appreciated. Until next time!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Warning, the following post may contain a slight undertone of depression.

Hey Guys, sorry i haven't posted in a while. My shit got all crazy.

So today i want to talk about something that's bugging me. I have a self esteem that is constantly in a state of flux. Every time i get to a point in my life where i finally feel at peace with who i am, i go home to visit my family and little by little they turn me back into that insecure little girl that i was before i left for college. Yes i understand the at the term is self esteem, but it's kind of hard to be comfortable with who you are when every comment that is made about you makes you feel as though you're some kind of disappointment to your family. I've never thought that I was pretty despite what people tell me because for the longest time i was always told that I'd be prettier if i was a smaller size or something along those lines. I was always made to feel like i was the ugly ducking in my family and wasn't until recently that i acknowledged that i wasn't completely ogre like. This past week was spring break and i went home feeling fairly confident about my self and comfortable with who i was until my father started picking on me about my hair and how i need to do something with it because it doesn' t look right and it just made me feel like i was a disappointment or an embarrassment to him. it was then that i came to realize that most of the time in recent years when I've started feeling bad about myself it was because of something that my father said to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad to death and i know that he loves me. it's just that sometimes i wish that he would just accept me for who i am and not try to make feel like crap so that I'll become the person he wants me to be. And he's not the only person doing it but he is the main offender. Next year when i graduate college, I'm moving back home and i don't know if i can handle more of him not liking the real me.

Sometimes its best not to go back home, no matter how much you love the people there.

As always leave your comments if you want to.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Old Memories

Today i find myself thinking about old friends from way back in elementary and wondering what they're doing with thier lives....Think about it for a moment and then ask yourself, are you guys where you thought you'd be?