Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not a Happy Camper.

Hey guys, good to see you again.

About a year ago in a post entitled " warning the following post may contain slight undertones of depression", I talked about some issues that I was having with my father and I mentioned that I would be moving back home after I graduated and I wasn't sure if I could deal with what feels like my father's constant disapproval and disappointment. Well today i am here to tell you, that my prediction was right.

Today should have been a good day for me. I was offered a job interview for a teaching position, my FIRST interview of possibly many. I was so excited and i shared the news with all of my friends and teachers. I was also super excited for this weekend because I was going to be going to my first concert ever this weekend and would be getting back on the day of my interview in enough time to rest up and head out. I was riding on such a high that when my dad came home i was in the best mood that i had been in in weeks. That was short lived however.

When my dad came home he was all excited to hear about my interview and started talking about how i needed to do alot of dry runs this weekend to get to the place. i told him that i was doing it tomorrow since i was going to be out of town for the concert. The mood quickly changed when I told him that i was coming back Tuesday morning before my interview. Suddenly he was upset and telling me that i basically made a stupid decision and he didn't understand why i didn't just ask for the interview on another day. then he proceeds to say that it's my decision and my life and i need to make my own choice. There's no way for me to win this one clearly. So once again, I miss out on a concert experience and he gets to gloat and say i told you so and give his whole "the fact of the matter is you're an adult and you need to make sacrifices" speech.

Why can't I seem to understand the fact that no matter what I do, I am always going to find a way to disappoint him? Can anyone answer me that? I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me that I have enough daddy issues to fill every magazine rack in New York City and Washington DC. I would also like to know at what point I am allowed to take control of my life and make my own decisions? Because I thought that the whole point of me going off to college was so that I could find a career path and start living my own life. Instead even at the age of 23 I am still being told what to do and I feel like I'm suffocating here.

Sorry for ranting and complaining on here, but I can't talk to my father, at all. We barely have a relationship as it is and its a superficial one at that. I don't know how to repair it and at this point I'm not sure if i want to. I love my father but right now, i'm not even sure i like him (this more than likely due to my heavy emotional state right now)

Leave comments if you want, or don't; i don't really care one way or the other.

LOVE,ROCKETS, AND HOT POCKETS

P.S- The purpose of this blog is for me to rant or rave about whatever it is I'm upset or happy enough to talk about.Some will be fun, some will be angry, and others will be depressing. Keep that in mind when you read these please.